I saw a garage sale
Pulled up in the yard
Found a statue of Jesus
It was eight feet tall
He held out his arms
And he seemed all alone
So I loaded him up
And drove him home

Out by my driveway he
Looks down the street
With his long hair and sandals made
Of rebar and concrete
I painted him white with a long purple robe
He's a rock of ages on our gravel road

Chorus
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
Standing taller than a tree
He's an eight-hundred pound Jesus
A bigger man than you or me

I thought loosin' my job was
The end of the world
Till my best pal ran off with my best girl
I felt suicidal with no real friends
So I walked outside with a rope in my hand

Out by that statue there's a big old tree
So I stood on his shoulders
And I counted to three
I had every intention of buying the farm
But when I jumped off he caught me in his arms

Chorus

I wanted to return the favor to him
Cause I never had a more solid friend
So I planted some flowers
All around his feet
And I bought him a flock
Of ceramic sheep

Chorus

He's a bigger man