This is the tale of a bearded sloth
Who debases himself so they can get their rocks off
Recruits five skinny, better-looking men to play guitar parts
He'll never play again
So it's lash after lash like a budget
Christ from every blog or zine
That took the chance to look twice

I'm not saying that this dude is me
Or speaking brutally of myself to gain traction
Action! There goes the camera click
American Indie-Rock is a game of pricks
They're the gods of what was independent rock
And now is vaguely refined hogwash that I mock
Jacket patched up with a Wesleyan degree
Legs bound
Tongue out
Grinning as they piss on me but
I don't care
It's what I'm known for
I'll take it gleefully

I'm wrong and you're right and that's my thesis
Here tonight with my gut and my bulge
I'll make the whole world scream, the whole room bleed
I'll lose for your gain if it'll spruce up my refrain
It's what they want. The band plays while the ship goes down

I hate that dude now that he's married
He's got a baby on the way; poor Sherri
That's not apropos. He's not the wretch we know
Chop his family up so we can feed them to the front row
Spike his fifteenth espresso with drugs
So he's convinced it's a manic delusion to know true love
Be 19 with a joint in hand. Never change the band
Never ever be a real man. "

I'm wrong and you're right and that's my thesis
Here tonight with my gut and my bulge
I'll make the whole world scream, the whole room bleed
I'll lose for your gain if it'll spruce up my refrain
It's what they want. The band plays while the ship goes down

This isn't for the ones
Who know what it really means
They just follow other people's dreams
They were told by a friend of a friend of a friend
Music made to be used and forgotten again like a whore
Like a pair of washed out expensive retro boys underwear
We can never repair

I'm wrong and you're right and that's my thesis
Here tonight with my gut and my bulge
I'll make the whole world scream, the whole room bleed
I'll lose for your gain if it'll spruce up my refrain
It's what they want. The band plays while the ship goes down

Ship goes down, ship goes down, ship goes down
The band plays while the ship goes down