If I die and go to hell real soon,
it will appear to me as this room.
And for eternity I lay in bed
in my boxers, half stoned,
with the pillow under my head.

I'd be chatting on the interweb;
maggots pray upon the living dead.
I had no interest in the things she said.
On the phone every day,
I'll permanently hit the hay.

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.

At this rate,
I'll be heading for electric chairs.
I'm only human with my cross to bear.
When she described her underwear
I forgot all the rules my rabbi taught me in the old schul.

You're too young to be this empty girl
I'll prepare you for a sick dark world
Know that you'll be my downfall.
But I call and I call and I call.

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.

I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want. (Met you on the internet)
I don't know what I want. (Met you on the internet)
I don't know what I want. (Met you on the internet)

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.

(Woah!)

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.