Oh, yeah, well, gold-digger took my money
Dipped my heart and hands in honey
Ol' snake lady stole my savings
Told gold digger she was having my babies

Well, gold digger swore, snake lady fell
Yeah, i took gold digger up to chapel hill
Oh, I married her fast, murdered her young
Took my money back and made my run

Well, bus driver all in red
Yeah, go pull this bus over and end up dead
Yeah, go drive this bus down to Mexico
Park it on a cliff where that good grass grows

Until a chopper came along one sunny day
To burn my crops, lock me away
Girl I'm eager, young and qualified
Got a date with that chair, oh, in late July

Oh, yeah, well, my mama, old and grey
Sittin' at-a home just a-weepin' away
Her only boy washed down the drain
Gonna take her son and lock him away
Well, mama should be proud of me
I lived like a man, oh, I'll die like a king
'Cuz I'm eager, young and qualified
Got a date with that chair, oh, in late July

But my pappy, old and fat
Chewin his cigar with his hair slicked back
Yeah, roll him over, beat him black
Say it's from that boy he never had
Well, papa should be in my place
To fry like bacon, hang like lace
Because I'm eager, young and qualified
I got a date with that chair, oh, in late July

Yeah, well, Big Betty, oh my old squeeze
Oh, kissed you so good, you go weak in the knees
Yeah, gon' to see her old man pop
I wanna have you there when my big heart stops
But don't you worry, don't you fret
No, I won't die with no regrets
Because I'm eager, young and qualified
Yeah, I'm eager, young and starry-eyed
Oh, the big leagues call and I reply
I got a date with that chair, oh, in late July