Plastic dolls in plastic bags
Macho dildos buying shags
When the coppers they appear
In the market you can hear

Tell me Doctor can I buy it
Tell me Doctor can you supply it
Spunky cardboard magazines
You can see it in his jeans
Is it soft or is it hard
It's been seen in Scotland Yard

Tell me Doctor can I buy it
Tell me Doctor can you supply it
Tell me are you getting it
Tell me are you having it

Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
Fruity stories veggie looks
I thought I'd read it all in books
Here comes Sally she's a tenner
Lay some plates and we'll have dinner

Tell me Doctor can I buy it
Tell me Doctor can you supply it
Tell me are you getting it
Tell me are you having it
Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
Tell me are you getting it
Tell me are you having it

Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno
You want something that will make you horny
Well have a look at this while I speak to Tony
I've got what you want but it's in the van
I know you're a naughty man

Mandy, Margeret, French and sags
You don't get this on teletext
Naked women naked men
Take one daily and come again

Tell me Doctor can I buy it
Tell me Doctor can you supply it
Tell me are you getting it
Tell me are you having it
Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno

Some come in cos they've been told
It's all kosher bought and sold
Yes I think this ones for you
You don't want one you need two

Tell me Doctor can I buy it
Tell me Doctor can you supply it
Tell me are you getting it
Tell me are you having it
Doctor Porno, Doctor Porno

You want something that will make you horny
Well have a look at this while I speak to Tony
I've got one for you but it's in the van
I know you're a naughty man