Johnny bought a ticket for a four o'clock train
Spilled wine on his shirt and knew there'd be a red stain
'cause in third world countries there were only two lanes
Left his lover waiting in the pouring rain

There wasn't any law and there wasn't any order
Couldn't find a pay phone that didn't take quarters
Couldn't find a way to cross the goddamn border
He could slip under the fence if he was just a little shorter

And if you're gonna leave then you better move quickly
If you're gonna stay won't you whisper in my ear
My heart is beating fast and I'm feeling kinda sickly
Gotta find a way to get the hell outa here

He tried to find the embassy to plead his cause
He was lost like dorothy in the wizard of oz
He was a dictator target getting lots of applause
Had a big white beard like santa claus

Put some drugs in his pocket it was all blackmail
They took away his passport and threw him in jail
Tried to call his parents but to no avail
Couldn't find anybody to pay his bail

And if you're gonna leave then you better move quickly
If you're gonna stay won't you whisper in my ear
My heart is beating fast and I'm feeling kinda sickly
Gotta find a way to get the hell outa here

There was a warden in the jail that was so sadistic
Ruled the prison with force, he was militaristic
Made soup out of the prisoners he was canabalistic
Johnny knew that if he stayed it would be fatalistic

The warden summoned johnny to his quarters that night
They took him to the kitchen and they bound him real tight
Johnny knew where he was heading and he knew his plight
They thumped him in the head and then they said, goodnight

And if you're gonna leave then you better move quickly
If you're gonna stay won't you whisper in my ear
My heart is beating fast and I'm feeling kinda sickly
Gotta find a way to get the hell outa here

Well they took off all his clothes and they shaved his stubble
They threw him in the pot and then he started to bubble
Johnny's girl got word that he was in some trouble
She headed 'cross the border right on the double

She got word from the police he was in the hen coup
She did the bureaucrat and shuffled with the hoola hoop
The warden told her, johnny got shot by the steam troops
He said, I'm sorry, honey, have another bowl of soup

And if you're gonna leave then you better move quickly
If you're gonna stay won't you whisper in my ear
My heart is beating fast and I'm feeling kinda sickly
Gotta find a way to get the hell outa here
Gotta find a way to get the hell outa here
Never find a way to get the hell outa here