The mighty grunion
are rising up and storming the beach
and on the toll road
the trolls are slipping out of their leash

Hey, John Wayne
it's good to see you
when I get off the plane
Your bronze skin has turned pale
He says, "Pilgrim, tell me how did I fail?"

On Fascist Island
the reservoir is taking a leak
The money boys and boy toys
are sexually reaching their peak

Hey, John Wayne
we can't get credit
and we're feeling your pain
Mother Marion says "My hands are bleeding
and I wish I were dead!"

Coming down with
deep neurosis
carcinoma
ketosis
It's the Big C
for my Sharona
We got that O.C.
melanoma

Hey, John Wayne,
we never meant
to take your name in vain
He says "It's too late
I guess I'll always be your patron saint"

So please release us
put back the pieces
heal our diseases
extend our leases
The well has run dry
We need a tough guy
We need a dead eye
to save us from the mess that we're in

Hey John
Hey John Wayne
Hey Duke!

A majestic mighty warrior
is rising up and storming the beach...