When I'm by myself
I'm quite the magician
with the turn of the phrase
and the juxtaposition
But give me a crowd
and watch me go fishin'
Turn up the heat
and I'm out of the kitchen

Bob got in a good one
at my expense
He had 'em all laughin'
at my weak-kneed defense
On the bus goin' home
I could only resort
to imagine a comeback
some snappy retort

But my chance is over,
it's a play in my head
where I really nail him
with what I should have said

Friday night at the party,
Sue was quite the wit
She got in some zingers
'bout my politics
Like a frog on a hot rock
my brain squrimed around
for the perfect rejoinder
which I never found

Now my chance is over,
it's a play in my head
where I turn the tables
with what I should have said

With what I should have said
I would know in advance
I'm the master of banter
the King of Romance
the guy in the center
whose leading the dance,
not the kid in the corner
with the big pair of pants

And now I'm in bed
with what I should have said

Today at the bus stop
a man read the news
shook his head and he asked me
my religious views
But the answers he needed
somehow wouldn't come
from the back of my brain
to the tip of my tongue

Well now that that's over
It's a play in my head
'bout how I convinced him
with what I should have said

Now most nights I'm in bed
with what I should have said