Hey kid, why the long face
Is it cuz Santa Clause is flying right over your place
You've been a bad kid all year
So quit you snivellin' sucker now and mop up them tears
You don't deserve a damn thing
You're not even cute and your attitude stinks
It must suck to be you
Nobody likes you so what can you do
You think you got problems kid, you think you got strife
But come each December do you fear for your life
Oh well, I'm your turkey, baby, so your troubles are small
Now I'm stuffed on your table, I'm a tasty butterball

Cuz I've got the Christmas turkey blues
If you got your necked ripped out then you'd have them too
Cuz I've got the Christmas turkey blues
You chase me and waste and baste me and taste me and drown me in gravy too
Let's take a walk! Gobble, gobble baby!

You sir, you look like heck
Didn't you get your Christmas bonus cheque
Or maybe your woman left you
Ripped your heart right out of your chest and spat on it too
Is that why you're reeking of gin
You look disheveled and there's drool on your chin
You thought that this love would last
But she said, "Merry Christmas, baby" and she booted your ass
Well that's tough for you mister, too bad about your ordeal
How about getting stuffed in the wintertime, see how you feel
I don't get to yank no bones or make me a wish
It won't be long 'til I'm just some scraps on your dish

Cuz I've got the Christmas turkey blues
If your butt was stuffed and roasted then you'd have then too
I've got the Christmas turkey blues
You chase me and waste and baste me and taste me and drown me in gravy too

Cuz I've got the Christmas turkey blues
Oh, you know what it's like having the Christmas Turkey blues, baby?
I tell you -- hey, what are you doing with that axe?
Oh no, oh no, oh no, baby, NO!
Well, now that I'm here on your plate, what do you want?
You want some white meat or some dark meat, leg, breast, or thigh?
Hey, you ought to see my giblet you know
Oh, oh, OH!
Cuz I've got the Christmas turkey blues
Wouldn't you just rather have some ham, or how about some chicken...