Let me tell you a story about scary Ned
Scariest guy to ever wet a bed
He had hands on his arms and eyes on his head
But they weren't his

He'd go down to the market and try to scare the fish
He said that they bothered him, they weren't his favorite dish
Then he'd go down to the highway and pretend that he was dead
That just the way he was, creepy scary Ned

Ooohh oohhhhh Scary Ned

Ned loved Halloween cuz he didn't need a mask
He'd steal the children's candy, he didn't even ask
He'd sit right down in front of them and then he'd start to eat
He'd tell them they were better off cuz that stuff can rot your teeth

Ooohh oohhhhh ooohh oohhhhh Scary Ned

A strange glow would come from his place late into the night
He'd watch T.V. 'til the dawn, you know that ain't right
If he started to get tired he'd rub sauerkraut on his head
That's just the kind of guy he was, good old scary Ned

Ooohh oohhhhh ooohh oohhhhh ooohh oohhhhh Scary Ned

He had a face his mother didn't love
When people saw on the street they often said "Uughh!"
Sometimes late at night he'd walk alone
He'd be reciting stuff
Bad sounding stuff
Icky awful stuff
But when you got to know him, he weren't so bad

Ooohh oohhhhh Scary Ned
Ooohh oohhhhh ooohh oohhhhh ooohh oohhhhh Scary Ned

Ooohh oohhhhh Scary Ned [this repeats to end over talking- K]
He's pretty scary
Scary Ned
Really scary
Scary Ned
He's scary
Hence the name
Scary Ned
I saw him yesterday
He said "Hi"
I got scared
'Cause he's
Scary Ned
If he weren't scary
I supposed he'd be called
Like, Happy Ned
And who wants to hear a song about
Happy Ned (Happy Ned)