And 'lo the lord said unto the nephites, 'I, uh, I know you're really depressed, well, with all your aids and everything. but there's an answer in christ.

You see, this book can help us.

Elder cunningham
I just told a lie.
No, wait, I didn't lie...
I just used my imagination.
And it worked!

Elder cunningham's father
You're making things up again, arnold. (but it worked, dad!)
You're stretching the truth again, and you know it –

Don't be a fibbing fran, arnold. (joseph smith?)

Because a lie is a lie. (it's not a lie!)

You're making things up again, arnold! (oh conscience!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction!
Be careful how you proceed, arnold.
When you fib, there's a price.

Ahh, this is bullshit! the story that I have been told is that the way to cure aids is by sleeping with a virgin! I'm going to go and rape a baby!

What!?!! oh my – no! you can't do that! no!!!!

Why not?

Because that is definitely against god's will!

Says who!? where in that book of yours does
It say anything about sleeping with a baby, huh?! nowhere!

Uh, behold, the lord said to the mormon prophet joseph smith, 'you shall not have sex with that infant..!' lo! joseph said, 'why not lord? huh? why not?' and the lord said, 'if you lay with that infant you shall...pghwwwww!...burn in the fiery pits of mordor.

Really?

Uh huh...uh huh. 'a baby cannot cure your illness, joseph smith – I shall give unto you a...a frog!'...and thus joseph laid with the frog and his aids was no more! (ohhhhh....)

You're making things up again, arnold.
You're recklessly warping the words of jesus!
You can't just say what you want, arnold. (come on, hobbits!)
You're digging yourself a deep hole.

I'm making things up again, kind of!
But this time it's helping a dozen people!
It's nothing so bad because this time –
I'm not committing a sin just by making things up again, right?! (no!)

Elder cunningham! you have to stop him!

What? what is it?

Gotswana is going to cut off his daughter's clitoris!

Hah?!

This is all very interesting, but women have to be circumcised if that's what the general wants!

No, doing that to a lady is definitely against christ's will!

How do you know? christ never said nothin' about no clitoris!

Yes! yes he did! in ancient new york, three men were about to cut off a mormon woman's clitoris! but right before they did – jesus had boba fett turn them into frogs!

Frogs?

You mean like the frogs that got fucked by joseph smith!

Riiight! right! like those frogs! for a clitoris is holy among all things, said he!

You're making things up again, arnold. (we're learning the truth!)
You're taking the holy word and adding fiction! (the truth about god.)
Be careful how you proceed, arnold.
When you fib, there's a price. (we're going to paradise.)

Who would have thought I'd have this magic touch?
Who'd've believed I could man up this much?
I'm talking, they're listening, my stories are glistening
I'm gonna save them all with this stuff!

You're making things up again, arnold! (elder cunningham!)
You're making things up again, arnold! (holy prophet man!)
You're making things up again, arnold. (our savior!

You're making things up again...

Hmm, up again making things you are –

I know...