Long ago when I was five
I snuck in the kitchen late at night
And ate a doughnut with a maple glaze
My father asked who ate the snack
I said that it was my brother Jack
And Jack got grounded for fourteen days
I've lived with that guilt all of my life
And the terrible vision that I had that night
No, please! I don't wanna' go back!!!

Down, down thy soul is cast!
From the Earth whence forth ye fell!
The path of fire leads thee
To spooky Mormon Hell dream!
Welcome back to spooky Mormon Hell dream!
You are having a spooky Mormon Hell dream now!

And now I've gone and done it again (Rectus!)
I committed another awful sin (Dominus!)
I left my mission companion all alone (Spookytus!)

Oh God, how could I have done this to you? (Deus!)
How could I break rule seventy-two? (Creepyus!)
And now my soul has just been thrown –
Back into spooky Mormon Hell dream!

Down, down to Satan's realm
See where you belong!
There is nothing you can do
No escape from spooky Mormon Hell dream!

You blamed your brother for eating the doughnut,
And now you walk out on your mission companion?! Tch! You're a Dick!

Jesus, I'm sorry!

Jesus hates you, this we know!
For Jesus just told you so!
You remember Lucifer?!
He is even spookier!

Minions of Hades, have you heard the news?
Kevin was caught playing hooky!
Now he's back with all you Cath'lics and Jews!
It's super spooky-wooky!

I'm sorry, Lord, it was selfish of me
To break the rules, please I don't wanna' be
In this spooky Mormon Hell dream!

Spooky Mormon Hell dream!
Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, Hitler, Johnnie Cochran
The spirits all surround you!
Spooky, spooky, spoooo-ky!

I started a war und killed millions of Jews!
I slaughtered the Chinese!
I stabbed a guy and fucked his corpse!
I got Oj free!

You think that's bad? I broke rule seventy-two! (*Gasps*)
I left my companion! I'm way worse than you!
I hate this spooky Mormon Hell dream!
(Spooky Mormon Hell dream!)

Oh, Heavenly Father! (Ah...)
Please give me one more chance! (Ah...)
I won't break the rules again! (Ah...)

I can't believe Jesus called me a dick!!!!

Welcome, welcome to spooky Mormon Hell dream!
You are never waking up from spooky Mormon Hell dream!

Oh, please help me Father! (Down, down thy soul is cast)
Please let me wake up! (From the Earth whence forth ye fell)
Give me one more chance! (This must be it, you must be there)
I won't let you down again! (You must be in spooky Mormon Hell dream now!)