While the jingle bells are jinglin'
And the snow begins to fall
And my Grandma makes some gingerbread cookies
just across the hall

I'm freaking 'bout what to get you
And suddenly it occurs to me
The best Christmas present is to rock your body underneath the fuckin' tree!

I wanna rock you hard this Christmas
I wanna fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy
But have a very merry motherfucking Christmas
I'm driving a love train down Santa Claus lane
I'm your little drummer boy

While the eggnog is all noggy
And the fireplace all a-glow
While our bodies are heatin' up in yuletide places down below
I hope you like my present
It was way too big to wrap
I'm gonna get naughty all over your body
Come sit on Santa's lap!

I wanna rock you hard this Christmas
I wanna fill your stocking with my candy cane of joy
But have a very merry motherfucking Christmas
We're driving a love train down Santa Claus lane
I'm your little drummer boy

(C'mon!)

We'll be slushin' like snow angels till the morning
We won't hear reindeer hoofin' up above
We won't hear Santa coming down the chimney
We won't see he and my Grandma making hot-ass cookie love
He'll be here and explain and as he rides out of sight, he'll fuckin' say:

"Granny I rocked you hard this Christmas
I filled your stocking with my candy cane of joy
So have a very merry motherfucking Christmas"

And the world will start rejoicing
And the choir boys start to sing
And the lords of leaping give the ladies in waiting
And there's five ass golden rings
And the seven pipers are piping
The eight maids are milking in the snow
And I'll be happy when I'm gettin' all nappy by my Christmas ho, ho, ho!

Have a very merry motherfucking Christmas!
Peace on earth, we are the world, and frickin' kumbaya!
Have a very merry motherfucking Christmas!
Deck the halls with your Christmas balls!
Fa la la la la la, FA LA LA!