He said "Come on now babe
Let's take a little drive
Go slumming down the Carson's in my black X-5."

Samples from the Clinique counter and up the escalator
And then a knowing glance from last night's cute, talkative waiter
Surprise, surprise

Going through five hundred king Egyptian size count satin cotton sheets
A smirk hello from the tanning salon boy
My man mumbled, he realized
"They told me that she cheats."

"Oh, don't you start! Jealous heart."
Jealous heart. Jealous heart

I put one foot forward and one foot back
My hand upon my hip
I gave my hair a flip
I can't help it
What's he think I got all this loving for
Well guess what
He don't pay my bills no more

Well I guess
All this stuff
That'll befall ya and bedevil ya
And try ya
I'll move back in with Yaiyai

My daughter, we named her Maureen
Can you believe it
I never believed it, or her
Because she called you Connie
The Don Juan he, my husband, loved redheards and thought this name
Would turn his baby into the same
And each time I see you, Connie
Yes?
I say God bless, my dear departed Peter
That he never had to meet her
His beautiful granddaughter who dyed
It would have killed him again
Her gorgeous red-brown hair black
When she turned 15 behind my back
You lived with me at that time
Yes, I did
You were such a cute and smart and obedient and happy and pretty little kid
My beautiful granddaughter who dyed
Her gorgeous red-brown hair black
When she turned fifteen behind my back
And which Kevin were you dating
I mean letting take advantage of you then
the black one, or the white one

Once upon a time there were two Kevins
You mean two jerks

Once upon a time there were two Kevins
And being with one Kevin was being in one heaven
And not being with the other swell was being in another, well
Kevin and Kevin were best friends since seven
La la la-la-la la la

When they met at Joey Meyer's
Red White and Blue Demon basketball seminar tutorial clinic day care camp
For underprivileged kids
And overstimulated brats.
And they're both wearing vintage throw-back fourty five dollar
Nineteen eighty three White Sox hats
And now at H-F
Point guard and shooting guard

And now at H-F
Point guard and shooting guard
And the drill team shouting themselves deaf
And then back in the back yard
Yours, Yaiyai
With the one and then the next night with the other one and one big secret
I mean two
But little did I know that they knew
They knew

And would slap each other on the back
About what it was they'd do
They knew
They knew

Well, we can talk about it, Connie
But often, memories are better off sung
Remember when you were young
Remember when I was young
Remember when you were young
Remember when I was young

La la la...
La la la...