Well it don't seem fair,
And it don't seem right
You've been lookin' 'round
And I'm in plain sight
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Don't you wait too long
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Get me before I'm gone

Well I'm not too fat
And I'm not too thin
And I'm very convenient
I just plug right in
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Don't you wait too long
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Get me before I'm gone

I don't drink too much
I don't curse and shout
I bring money in
And take the garbage out
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Don't you wait too long
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Get me before I'm gone

Your mama won't bug me
When she comes around
And I leave the seat
In the bathroom down
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Don't you wait too long
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Get me before I'm gone

My head and hips
Are built for fun
And I know just how
To make your motor run
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Don't you wait too long
I'm a fine piece of merchandise
Get me before I'm gone

Spoken:
This is a limited time offer - you don't find guys like me
Walkin' the street every day -
(mumbled) we usually walk at night
Hey! Come back here! You'll regret it!
There are people waitin' in line for me!
(mumbled) ...And if any of them catch me, I'm in trouble...