He scraped his knee and no one jerked him off or rubbed his back for free
And someone might never love me
She was stung by a bee but she still had to make them toast with honey
And how can I sleep when nobody loves me
We are lost at sea and no one jerked us off and somebody thinks it's funny
That we will never agree
Salt water makes crappy chai tea

But I think I read in a magazine
How science proved that the universe
Is someone's erotic dream
Based on these findings we've concluded
That oranges are better than tangerines.

He was in love with she but she lusted for another he, poor me
And there's a cute little kitty named misery
And we died at sea and on top of that I couldn't find my car keys
One kitty, two kitty, now there's three
Four and five that's too many fleas.

But I think I read in a magazine
How science proved that the universe
Is someone's erotic dream
Based on these findings we've concluded
That oranges are better than tangerines.

(repeat verse and chorus)

And if I said I knew the way to heaven
They'd have to hold me down and squirt me twice with their pepper spray.
They'd make me stand before the prosecution
Found guilty of exaggeration I'd win a million days to rot away.

(repeat)