Some time ago at Santa's place
Up in the old North pole
There lived a lump of anthracite
Whose parents called him Joel

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
Happy as a lump can be
He just wants to keep Santa warm
And make the elves cosy
But Santa Claus had other plans
For Joel one fateful day
"Joel, you're just the lump I need
Come join me on my sleigh"

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
Heart leapt up with joy
"I'll soon be Santa's present to
A lucky girl or boy
We'll laugh and play together
And we'll hold each other tight
Snuggle under clean white sheets
When we go to sleep at night"

Then Santa's elves all laughed at Joel
"You're in for a surprise
You're not a special Christmas gift
You're just a booby prize
What kid would ever want you?
You're filthy as can be
And now you have to go and live
With one who's been naughty"
That made keep
Poor Joel crying in electricy
You pollute the air
With CO2 and Mercury

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
Fell down upon his knees
"I don't want to live with a naughty kid
Don't make me, Santa, please"
But Santa laughed his jolly laugh
"Ho ho, you stupid lump
You're just the thing to teach this brat
That Santa ain't no chump, ho ho ho"

So off they flew and before he knew
Joel was in a sack
He cried and yelled to Santa Claus
"Why don't we just go back? "
And then came Christmas morning
And much to Joel's surprise
He saw a boy with the saddest face
And tears were in his eyes
(Tears were in his eyes)

He picked Joel up, he held him
He said "You can be my friend"
(Be my next best friend)
"I would have liked some presents but
You're what Santa chose to send"
(Santa chose to send)
"It's true I've been a naughty boy
And maybe that's a sin"
(Maybe that's a sin)
"But if this is how Santa treats the kids
I'm just glad that I'm not him"

Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
Knew what he must do
He said "Now I know the reason why
I got sent to you"
Because when a person hurts inside
It turns him hard and cruel
But I know how to make your pain
Into a precious jewel
So take me in your hand, young man
And squeeze with all your might
Let's turn your pain and anger into
Something that shines bright"

And Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
He gave his life away
So one good naughty little boy
Had a diamond on Christmas day