After dinner Norman becomes depressed.

STAR:
Norman's office got on my nerves to-day.

WIFE:
What do you mean? You are Norman!

STAR:
(Shouts) I am a star!

WIFE:
You're not a star Norman. You're
just a plain ordinary little bloke and
even if you walked down the street in
a silver suit people still wouldn't
recognise you. You're dull, ordinary
and uninteresting! You're a drag!

Star rises from his chair and smashes
the dinner plates to the floor.

STAR:
I hate this house and I hate you, but
more than anything else I hate those
ducks!

WIFE:
Don't you touch those ducks Norman!
They were a present from my mother.
Look, Norman, I've had enough of you
and your ridiculous fantasies. First of
all you wanted to be a painter, then
you wanted to be an astronaut, then
a footballer and now you're playing at
being a rock singer. If you touch those
ducks I'm leaving!


Ducks On The Wall

My baby's got the most deplorable taste,
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace.
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall,
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall.

My lady's got a sort of strange fascination,
An obsessive fixation
For cheap decorations
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, hanging on the wall.

Wo-wo-wo I love her so but if she doesn't move the ducks,
I think my mind is gonna go.
Ducks ducks on the wall.
Ducks ducks, hanging on the wall.

I leave the office and I want to relax.
Don't want to stare at a wall
And look at a duck that can't quack.
I love you baby but I can't fall
For those ducks on the wall.

I start to snuggle up and squeeze her so tight.
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see those ducks in flight.
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall.

Wo-wo-wo I can sit through your gossip and your soap opera shows,
But those ducks have got to go.
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall.
And when I went to a cocktail party
With the bores next door,
What was the first thing that I saw?
Ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall.

My baby's got the most deplorable taste,
But her biggest mistake
Is hanging over the fireplace.
She's got ducks, ducks on the wall,
Ducks, ducks hanging on the wall.

I'll sit and look at all the soap operas with her
I'll play all the panel games and watch all the quiz shows,
But those ducks they've got to go,
Those ducks are getting up my nose.

If those ducks can fly, well so can I.
And if those ducks have got to stay
Then I'm going to fly away.
I love you baby but I can't ball
When I see those ducks on the wall.

Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall.
Ducks, ducks, ducks on the wall.
Oh those ducks on the wall are beginning to move
They're talking to me
I've got to get away from those ducks.