I got designated driver tonight
So I thought that I might get drunk
I told jimmy that he could decide what I'm drinkin'
Cause I didn't care what
Summer party back in the woods
About seven hundred people there
I said I'd hit the karaoke machine
And sang garth in my underwear

And I can blame it on the wild turkey
For the cussing and the gettin' loud
I was surprised some ole boys didn't jump me
Because they say that I was showin' out
I'd like to thank everyone that didn't call the law
To come and drag me in
Last night you saw me drankin' wild turkey
But you'll never see me drink it again

Well they say that I was tryin' every girl that was hot
Said I was hangin' up all up on them
If they were married or not
Well my jaw was kinda hurtin' in the morning light
Yep, I think it got slapped a couple dozen times
Eleven twenty and ole jimmy left an hour ago
I'm purdy sure that he's the one
who's gonna to carry me home
Well my guts is feeling funny so I found me a spot
I started calling dinosaurs right between two cars
Well, played it off nice, I told them I was mentally ill
But when they smelt my breath they knew what it was
I had to elude 'em through a cotton field

And I can blame it on the wild turkey
For the cussing and the gettin' loud
I was surprised some ole boys didn't jump me
Because they say that I was showin' out
I'd like to thank everyone that didn't call the law
To come and drag me in
Last night you saw me drankin' wild turkey
But you'll never see me drink it again

Them turkey suds got me drunk
I hit the ditch and rolled my truck
I borrowed a car got it stuck
Over the fenders up in mud
A seventy six pontiac I hope my friend don't want it back
But if he does he'll probably cuss
And try to fight and all that stuff
Early morning waking up my breath stanking' feeling rough
If you gonna be dumb you gotta be tough
I had a good dinner but throwed it up
Gettin' drunk a hour later
Shot in the chest with a taser
The cop said I hit my head
Front page on the county paper

And I can blame it on the wild turkey
For the cussing and the gettin' loud
I was surprised some ole boys didn't jump me
Because they say that I was showin' out
I'd like to thank everyone that didn't call the law
To come and drag me in
Last night you saw me drankin' wild turkey
But you'll never see me drink it again