Mom made beans for dinner, you know i ate 'em all
Said "come get your coat on, we're going to the mall
You're gonna visit santa and sit upon his knee."
But all that i could think about was how not to cut the cheese

Waiting there for santa, thought that i'd explode
The gas bubble grew bigger with every "ho, ho, ho"
Tried my best to hide it, thought i was doing swell
But when i sat down on santa's lap he hollered, "what's that smell?"

I farted on santa's lap now christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on santa's lap now i'll get (fart sound) under my christmas tree

I asked him for a baseball, i asked him for a bat
I asked him for some ice skates, but i'll get none of that
I asked him for a lotta things i'll have to do without
Cause when i sat down on santa's lap, i let one slip out

I farted on santa's lap now christmas is gonna stink for me
I farted on santa's lap now i'll get (fart sound) under my christmas tree

On christmas eve i snuck out of my bed without a sound
And went down to the living room just to take a look around
It was then that i saw santa next to the christmas tree
His arms were full of presents and they were all for me
He put them on a pile, got up to turn around
Then blew a fart with such great force our tree almost came down
And so i'll always cherish that special moment when
I realized even old st. nick rips one now and then

I farted on santa's lap and christmas didn't stink for me
I farted on santa's lap and ??????? went under my christmas tree
Hit me with your best song,