She's the slickest chick I've ever known.
I take her with me wherever I go to rope in all my fears
and open all my beers and to never ever leave me alone.
She's tiny, shiny and bright, almost too sharp but not quite.
She does it all somehow.
She's in my pocket now but I'm gonna take her out tonight.

She's my swiss-army girlfriend.
She's holding up her end, and she's all mine,
so I got a valentine to send.

Do I have to draw a diagram?
When I'm out of luck or in a jam she can get me hot
and out of tight spots, and she's ready whenever I am.
She slices, dices and more.
She can handle any household chore,
and I love the feel of her stainless steel when we're rolling all around on the floor.

She's my swiss-army girlfriend.
She's in my dresser drawer
and I'm all hers and we've got a universe to explore.

And I love her so,
though she may never know just how low I would go to keep her by my side
and open wide for when our worlds collide.

She's the only game in town.
She's a thriller that you can't put down,
so enjoy this song because before too long we're gonna run each other into the ground.

She's my swiss-army girlfriend.
We've barely started yet,
but we're all set and we've got a bassinet to get.