USHERETTE #1 & #2:
Opening night...
It's opening night!
It's Max Bialystock's latest show
Will it flop or will it go?
The cast is taking its final bow
Here comes the audience now
The doors are open: they're on their way...
Let's hear what they have to say!

FIRST NIGHTERS:
He's done it again
He's done it again
Max Bialystock has done it again!
We can't believe it
You can't conceive it...

MAN FIRST NIGHTER:
How'd he achieve it?

FIRST NIGHTERS:
It's the worst show in town!
We sat there sighing
Groaning and crying
There's no denying
It's the worst show in town!

WOMEN FIRST NIGHTERS:
Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss...

MEN FIRST NIGHTERS:
We've seen shit...

FIRST NIGHTERS:
But never like this!
Max Bialystock has done it again!
The songs were rotten
The book was stinkin'
What he did to Shakespeare
Booth did to Lincoln!
We couldn't leave faster...

USHERETTE #1 & #2:
What a disaster!

FIRST NIGHTERS & USHERETTES:
We are still in shock
Who produced this shlock?
That slimey, sleazy Max Bialystock
What a bum!!