Well, I'm a lonesome schoolboy

and I just came into town

Yeah, I'm a lonesome schoolboy

and I just came into town

Well, I heard so much about London

I decided to check it out

Well, I wait in Leicester Square

where the guy never looks in my eyes

Yeah, I'm leaning on Nelsons Column

but all I do is talk to the lime

Oh, where can I get my cock sucked

where can I get my arse fucked

I aint got no money,

but I know where to put it every time

Well I asked a young policeman

if he'd only lock me up for the night

Well, I've had pigs in the farmyard

- some of them, some of them are alright

Well, he fucked me with his truncheon

and his helmet was way too tight