Hey you sad boys! Hey you sad girls!
Here's the loneliest song in the whole world
Hey you sad girls! Hey you sad boys!
You're staying alone despite your best ploys

'Cause true love's like the Loch Ness monster
And we all know that that thing's phony
It's hearsay and some blurry pictures
And questionable testimony

It hides in caves and darkened caverns
And broken hearts in drunken taverns
Or young girls' smiles on cafe porches,
You cant' find it with teams and torches

Your love was so short and life is so long,
You're trying to figure out what went wrong
'Cause girls avoid you like a leper,
You've got a lonelier heart than Sargent Pepper

And that state can be worse than the bottom,
And make you go mad and feel like adorning
A noose around your neck and hanging from a tree
Like ornaments on Christmas morning

But forget about that, it's back to routine:
The drink, get mad, get sad, drink scene
And lying with you here in your bed
Is like waking up to pistols at my forehead

Hey you sad women! Hey you sad men!
When it seems like the bottle is your best friend
Hey you sad women! Hey you sad men!
Channel that hurt down through a pen

Your room's covered with pictures on the wall
Of your new boys and their leering eyes
And your new place is more like a hall
Of fame for things that I despise

'Cause now we're apart and to you that's just fine,
It's exactly the way you want things to be
But your new place is more of a shrine
To your free life without me

Your apartment's like a hall of fame for things that I despise
And you'll never come back to me, I know no matter what I try
The years will come and years will go and you will eventually know
That waking up without love is like waking up with a pistol in your mouth