Publican Gullican lived by the sea
He was happy and jolly as landlords should be
His pub had a lounge with a colour TV
Where his patrons could sit and drink comfortably

Oh he lived his life
happily with his wife
Confident he'd always be
a publican down by the sea

Publican Gullican one day in May
opened his pub on a bank holiday
Polished his horse-brasses shiny and new
then through the door came a scooter-head crew

'Hey fat man give us some beer'
'We don't serve your sort in here'
'Serve us or see what you'll get
We'll smash your colour TV set'

Oh he didn't think twice
He reached down for a knife
Meant to scare them from his bar
Didn't mean to go this far

Publican Gullican lives by the sea
on the Isle of Wight
at Her Majesty's courtesy
Misses his home and his colour TV
Dreams of the time he was free

Oh Publican Gullican what have you done?