Betty's in a wet t-shirt
Feelin' foolish and vain
Lookin' like some housecat
That got caught out in the rain
Starin' into the mirror
At this less than pretty picture
Feeling ten years older now
And fifty bucks richer

Life is hard
Can't buy happiness no matter what you do
Can't get to heaven on roller skates
Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu

Paul was a poor little rich boy
He never had to cry
Whenever he complained of aches & pains
The doctors would drop by
Now he goes to parlors
Where the prettiest girls in town
Get paid five hundred dollars
Just to kick him when he's down

Life is hard
Can't buy happiness no matter what you do
Can't get to heaven on roller skates
Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu

After he stiffed a waitress
And ran out on his tab
Big Mac had a heart attack
In the back of a yellow cab
By the time the sound of a siren
Said the ambulance was comin'
His heart had stopped beatin'
But the meter was still runnin'

Life is hard
Can't buy happiness no matter what you do
Can't get to heaven on roller skates
Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu

Life is hard
Ain't no escapin' when the rent comes due
Can't get to heaven on roller skates
Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu