I might have called my kid Jarrod, but I never called him Wayne
I might've gone to the casino, but I'll never go again
I might've screwed your sister, but I'll never screw your mum
I might do cocaine, but heroin's just dumb

I might barrack for Port Power, but never for the Crows
I might watch A Current Affair, but Frontline also.
I might be a rock star, but I'll never be a critic
I might like porno's, but Baywatch is fucking sick

I might burn some hippie oils, but I didn't go to Comfest
I might be a smartarse D.J., but at least I'm not on at breakfast
I might like Tarantino, but sometime's you've got to wonder
I mightn't tell the truth all the time - hey, what's your Mum's number?

I might be a cunt, but I'm not a fuckingcunt.

I might try to rip off Prodigy, but at least I don't look like Keith;
I might sell some cocaine, but at least I'm with the police
I might hide my small penis, but at least not by owning a gun;
I might not be homosexual, but I've slept with a guy who's one.

We wrote that footy theme song, and - there ain't no good excuse:
We might be shoddy as the Spice Girls, but at least we admit the truth.
I might agree with Jesus, but I got no religious belief;
At least I clean the drops up when I piss on the toilet seat.