Oh, can you see that girl's
Immaculate shoulder?
Do you want to get
Your name on her folder?
Hope may spring eternal
But you should not let it:
Hear the unspoken words -
"If you're ugly, forget it".

Oh, can you see that guy?
No wonder you hate him:
He's captain of the footy -
You, of the debating.
You have the rest of your life
With which to regret it -
Obey the unstated rule:
"If you're ugly, forget it".

There's still one place left
For the desperate try hard -
Become an artist;
Join the avaunt garde.
But even in the ghettos
You're likely to get it -
That unbroken rule:
"If you're ugly, forget it".

And so to suicide
You are finally driven.
You'll ask old St. Peter,
"Can I get into heaven?"
He'll point to your tombstone -
The sentence? You've read it:
The unwritten law -
"If you're ugly, forget it".

The worst bands are the most popular.
Arseholes make the most money.
Insecure twats become famous.
Lunatics embrace religion.
Incompetent people are the loudest.
Stands of principle are the least genuine.
Government funding means people don't like it.
Well read people don't know anything.
The avant garde are deeply conservative.
Saving the world is a waste of resources.
Throw out what's useful and re-cycle your garbage.
Nothing happens to ambulance subscribers.