BOTH
Who the hell is-

SUSAN
Heidi?

HEIDI
Susan?

BOTH
What kind of girl is she?
I wonder sometimes if she
Even…

HEIDI
Likes me

SUSAN
Even likes me

HEIDI
She seems to make you smile

SUSAN
She’s got a pretty, tiny nose

HEIDI
She’s got a kick-ass style

SUSAN
She’s got very kicky clothes

HEIDI
And she owns her apartment too…

SUSAN
I suppose

HEIDI
And mind blows

SUSAN
Quel jeun drefia… Susan and Heidi

BOTH
She seems so… je ne sais quoi

HEIDI
She seems so… incroyable.

SUSAN
And I feel so… bourgeois.

BOTH
That’s just… moi
It’s just

SUSAN
She’s so uptown and fancy and Broadway.

HEIDI
She’s so downtown and funky and sassy.

SUSAN
I wish I could sing like that.
At least my nose could take her nose in a cage match of noses.

HEIDI
I’m used to being the funny one in the room.

SUSAN
I didn’t sign the permission slip for any new lady friends, Hunter.

HEIDI
She’s got those eyes

SUSAN
She’s got that boobs

HEIDI
I’ve got these thighs

SUSAN
I need your shoes

BOTH
Plus
She might try to steal my husband
She might try to have my baby
I guess I’ll just sit back and wait and see
What kind of girl is she?
What kind of girl is she?
What kind of girl is she?

SUSAN
What kind of girl is

SUSAN/HEIDI
She?/ Are you gonna eat that pickle?