She was the worst looking woman to ever grace this county
And I was the lonliest man in the whole damn world
But I had me a fool-proof plan
That I learned from my old man
I knew right soon she'd be my kind of girl

I admit at first I didn't even want that woman near me
She looked like she'd been beaten up with a rake
But as I gulped down another round
I said Hey, woman, hang around
You're gettin better looking with every drink I take

Cause I can drink any woman pretty
Just give me a bottle and a little time
She may look like an ugly old heffer right now
But one more round and that woman's gonna look just fine

She was worse than Oprah Winfrey when I first me her
She had floppy ears and a big old busted nose
It was kinda hard to ignore that woman's crooked and yellow teeth
And them slobby old smelly mismatched dime-store clothes
But Johnnie Walker spiced up her wardrobe
And Mervyn's straightened out that busted nose
A couple of vodka shots added a little bit of dental work
Next thing you know I'm sitting next to Marilyn Monroe

Cause I can drink any woman pretty
Just give me a bottle and a little time
She may look like an ugly old heffer right now
But one more round and that woman's gonna look just fine
She may look like an ugly old heffer right now
But one more round and that woman's gonna look just fine