My conscience fin'lly got to me;
Workin' sixty hours a week.
Leavin' her alone, bored to death at home.
So one day, I asked off early.
I drfopped that bottle of wine,
When I flipped on the light,
You can't imagine my:

Surprise: they were havin' a real good time.
Yeah, I nearly lost my mind,
When I saw the leather an' spikes around her neck,
An' he was handcuffed to my bed,
An' I thought he was my friend.
Guess it was all lies: yeah, surprise!

The judge gave her all I had,
An' he did the same for my old friend.
Yeah, his Lexus an' his house all went to his spouse,
So when I moved out, he just moved in.
He went back to get his drawers at the place he lived before:
Guess who answered the door?

Surprise: I hooked up with his ex-wife,
Who's prettier an' sweeter than mine.
Now we're livin' his XRI Jacuzzi bath;
Yeah, we just sit back in them bubbles an' laugh,
While they're livin' in my run down shack.
Yeah, serves 'em right: surprise.

Surprise, surprise: yeah that trip to Mali sure was nice.
Oh, in Vegas we rolled the dice.
Now it's steak an' taters every night.
Next weekend, yeah, we're headed off to Disneyland.
Yeah, I knew he was rich but now,
Hell I can retire: surprise!