Intro:
Hey grandma..."yes?" you know how you asked me why
don't I compose a song without any swearing in it...
well I tried. Just sounds a bit fuckin boring.
(grandma voice) "oooh, you filthy little turd! wash
your mouth out with soap and water!"
Listen up people, White Bob's here,
Drinkin weed and smokin beer
Now hold on a sec, I got that mixed up,
Reason must be because I'm pretty fucked

Smoked quite a fair amount this afternoon,
Stunk out the whole house, even my grandmas room
She's in there, sitting in her chair,
Stoned out her brain cells without a care

I rolled up a joint and said try this shit,
She said White Bob watch your language
Actually I wouldn't mind to give it a try,
But I'm a little worried that if I do I might die

That's nonsense I said, spark that shit up,
You'll prefer it to that ribena you've got there in
your cup
She said alright then Bob, I might as well,
I've not got long to live so what the hell.

*Chorus:
And for sure
You've got yours
I've got mine's and we're balling
So call up everybody
Let's pitch in ona party for sure [x2]

*Second verse
So the next thing I did was get on the phone,
Cos I didn't wanna witness this funny shit on my own,
Called up some girls and said come on over,
My gran's about to smoke a joint the size of
Folkestone and Dover

They came round in an instant, yes, really quick,
They said White Bob you really are a lunatic
I said antre girls, come on right in,
We'll go up to my gran's room where the party can
begin

Grandma may I introduce you to Jade and Sam,
Come on in girls, and meet my gran

Who are these disgusting tarts you've bought in? See
they've got hardly any clothes on their skin
Get them out of here right away!
But grandma if I do that they might think I'm gay
They've only popped round just to say hello,
Don't have to stay for long and then they can go

*Chorus

*Third verse
Now my gran seemed to agree with that last idea,
So lighting up her joint seemed like the right idea
I sparked up that spliff and she was puffin away,
Oh she smoked that chronic just like Dr Dre

I said to the girls do you wanna have some?
They said sure White Bob and we'll have some fun
It wasn't that long till we all got high,
My gran looked so wasted even her glass eye

Then both the girls they stripped off bare
My gran was so stoned she didn't even care
Then I got my dick out and in walked my dad... oh shit
(music stops)

Then I got my dick out and in walked my dad
And i've got to admit he looked pretty man
He said listen here son, what the hells going on?
I said what's it look like? It's a threesome.