One, two, buckle my shoe...
Ah you know I've never really been that good with friends
I'll only let you in when I can see the end
I don't call back I'm never late
I talk like I'm fillin' holes or cake
It ain't that I don't like you you're just better off alone

You just don't wanna get too close to this guy
He'll pick at you like the raisins in a pie
If you got regular size feet
And your aftershave smells sweet
Keep your distance boy, it's curlin' up my toes

Like an arthouse movie or 50 dollar wine
I just miss the point every single time
But you just don't do it for me friend
And I just don't think I like the way this is gonna end

Did you notice how my eyes looked all around
When the talk turns back to you and how you found
That everything that you hold dear
Your prostate gland and your career
I'm listenin' just don't mess in my good ear

Like pawn shop furniture or arrowroot biscuits
I'm cheap and I'm everywhere and I'm good for five minutes
But you just don't do it for me friend
And I just don't think I like the way this is gonna end
Ah you just don't do it for me friend

I was there back row an empty show
You've dumped your band and you went an' gone solo
You sung so great but some notes hurt
You wiped the floor and you left no dirt
They loved you baby from the high C's to the pleats right in your skirt.

I met your pals and we made some tentative plans
For singing and drinking and buying new corduroy pants
You're the kick in the pants I just didn't expect
You're the playful strangle around the neck
You sure can't do it for me madame
You sure can't do it for me madame

Ah you know I've never really been that good with friends
But you sure can't do it for me madame
Ah you sure can't do it for me madame
Goddamn!