I was chilling with my BUD, SAM ADAMS.
We get a call from MILLER. The man was having spasms.
He said, "dude get dressed. There's not a chance in hell
That we could miss this keg party up in SAN MIGUEL."

"Do I have to go out, dude?"
"No but that Mexican chick CORONA is there,
And she's been asking about you."
I hung up the phone. Time to get dressed, I
Put on my MAGIC HAT and my shirt with the RED STRIPE.

We hit a BUSCH dodging traffic as we passed by 'em
In that KILLIAN'S RED charger with the FAT TIRE(s).
We drove around for like half the night.
Luckily the BLUE MOON provided NATURAL LIGHT.

We rolled up to the party and everybody was rockin',
Playing BECK'S old single on that iPod dock and
That's where it's at. My ears were all ringing.
The party crowd was getting loud, and everybody started singing:

99 bottles of beer on the wall
99 bottles of beer.
You take one down, you pass it around,
You got 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

Now everyone was crammed in the basement, wasted
Even ASAHI, that foreign exchange kid.
He was just in KINGFISHER, wreckin' his Vette
Like "automobile, big leck!"

I poured myself a brew and drank half the glass
This ugly MOOSEHEAD chick kept grabbing my ass.
I told that HARP that she could go to hell
And then I saw CORONA, and she was looking STELLA.

And down to have some fun, she
Was still a freshman, a YUENGLING with a tongue-ring.
The alcohol was all clouding my thinking,
So I slapped her on the HEINIKEN I get you a drink? And

She said, "ha! You're totally cute.
"If you fetch me a beer, I'll let you touch my boob."
Hell yeah, I went to get her a drink, then
The party started moving, and everybody started singing:

99 bottles of beer on the wall.
99 bottles of beer.
You take one down, you pass it around,
You got 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

CORONA'S ex-boyfriend started talking to me
His FOSTERS parents nicknamed him MILWAUKEE'S BEST.
'Cause dude was big enough that he could tackle the world.
He was like "Hey Broski, you're jacking my girl.
I should bust your SKOL. You look like a queer, I'm
Gonna challenge you to a game of beer pong."

"Of COORS! Challenge accepted."
You can call me GUINNESS, 'cause I'm touting the record."
Beer pong's my game, and with my shoulder cocked
I bounced that ball in the cup like a ROLLING ROCK.

We played for a while, and I was wooing them when
I showed everyone who'd win the BLUE RIBBON... PABST
And CORONA was like, "wow!
You can totally touch my boob now."

I was EL PRESIDENTE
Or maybe a king with my CORONA
In my NEW CASTLE, and everybody started singing:

99 bottles of beer on the wall.
99 bottles of beer.
You take one down, you pass it around,
You got 99 bottles of beer on the wall.