im lyining here on your couch feeling lousy,
my life's a great big mess.
I'm crying here, but all you've done
is perscribed me lots of drugs.

I can't stay on your prozac
cuz its making me itch
I can't stay on your zoloft
cuz its making me twitch
i said i'm sick of all this medicine so just stuff your little bitch
i found an alterative

cuz yesterday i turned on the tube
and some blad headed dude
started telling me what to do and i swear
i don't need you pills just give me some cable
let me watch dr. phil
i need dr. phil

my eyes are glued to the screen as he lectures me
tells me to get a grip
and all of the other shows, they were different
maybe dr. phil can help.

i can't stand my life stlye cuz its making me fat,
i'm afraid to make commitments tell me what is up with that.
I'm trying to potty train my kid again but he's being a little brat,
i think i'll write in today.

cuz he cares that i had an affair
that i'm losing my hair,
and that life can be so unfair

and i swear i don't need your pills,
just give me some cable,
let me watch dr. phil
i need dr. phil

he knows that i'm watching his show,
that my job really blows,
and that i like wearing pantyhose

and i swear i don't need your pills,
just give me some cable,
let me watch dr. phil
i need dr. phil.

my friends say i'm a mama's boy but i tend to disagree,
i'm still living with my parents and i'm turning 43,
i said i need to wash my hands agian cuz i'm feeling OCD
i think i'll write in today.

cuz he's the man,
with the seven step plan,
and i'm his biggest fan.
he's my shady and i'm his slim,

and i swear i don't need your pills,
just give me some cable,
let me watch dr. phil,
i need dr. phil.

he tells me that i need to get real,
i need to get smart,
that i need to get going here,

and i swear,
i don't need your pills,
just give me some cable,
let me watch dr. phil,
i need dr. phil.

cuz he cares that i had an affair
that i'm losing my hair,
and that life can be so unfair

and i swear i don't need your pills,
just give me some cable,
let me watch dr. phil
i need dr. phil

he knows that i'm watching his show,
that my job really blows,
and that i like wearing pantyhose...