Well I love New York like everyone
And I go to Las Vegas to Chill
I like Denver Colorado cause it's so laid back
And Chicago keeps it real
I only leave Dallas when I have to, but
When I do I like Tulsa, OK
And I ain't got nothing against California
But I can't stand LA

Well Orlando Florida is humid but it's swell
Austin and Nashville both freakin' rock (yes they do! )
And New Orleans is evil but it's part of the appeal
You can gamble drink and swear until you drop
The state of Ohio's been great to our band
Along with Phili and Green Bay
I got nothing but love for Hollywood
But I can't stand LA

I like Salt Lake City, Portland, Frisco, Santa Fe
Indianappolis and Hartford, too
Boise, Memphis, Souix Falls, and of course KC
Along with Pittsburg and Kalamazoo
Atlanta is our home away from home and here's a shout out to Sauget
And I wish my friends would leave that place
'Cause I can't stand LA

Traffic Sucks
No protected lefts
Snooty fucks
Pollution fills the air
Gang Fights
$7 beers
And the threat of breaking off into the sea

(And now to give LA the benefit of the doubt)
Jimmy Kimmel In and Out and great sushi
And diversity everywhere
Really hot chicks wearing next to nothing
And the Santa Monica Pier
Thank you for hair metal and the 84 olympics and for the BFS radio play
But please don't take this personally
No I'm happy to visit, but I'm happier to leave
And I guess what it is I'm trying to say is
I can't stand LA!