My third shot down, I'm in trouble
I'm a newly single man, seein' double
Fake a smile for all my friends
Then go home alone around 2 AM
And stumble through the front door, gone as it gets
Flip the kitchen light on, there it is
On the fridge, just my luck
"Read this if you're drunk"

Don't think about it, mister
Don't even touch your phone
I know you think you miss her
But I promise you, you don't
There's healing in the lonely
Sit back, kick off your boots
And you'll thank me in the morning
Like you always do
Signed, sober you

P. S. , there's pizza in the freezer
Dumb and Dumber on the TV
It's so stupid, that's what you'd be
To go diggin' through her Instagram
If you're thinkin' 'bout that, read this again

Don't think about it, mister
Don't even touch your phone
I know you think you miss her
But I promise you, you don't
There's healing in the lonely
Sit back, kick off your boots
And you'll thank me in the morning
Like you always do
Signed, sober you
Signed, sober you

Yeah, well remember last time that you hit her up
You heard some other guy, how much does that suck?
That set you back a month, yeah, trust me, old friend
You don't wanna go down that road again

Don't think about it, mister
Don't even touch your phone
I know you wanna kiss her
But I promise you, you don't
And there's healing in the lonely
Sit back, kick off your boots
And you'll thank me in the morning
Like you always do
Signed, sober you, yeah, yeah
Signed, sober you