Pond Scum Plum is as cool as they come,
And he's swinging from the chandeliers,
He doesn't even care about his girlfriend's affair,
As long as he can spend the night drinking by the pier,
He laughs and says "Love ruins everything",
But he doesn't really mean it,
It's the drugs talking,
Lolita takes one look and knows everything,
The stars are incidental, could be anything

I'll learn the quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Yeah, yeah, whatever it takes

With steady drink in hand, I'm drawing up a plan,
In the hopes of tonight's pre-occupations,
The girls just wanna know what is on the stereo,
Is it Elvis or just imitation?
We're fending off another year,
Our private little club,
Hoping that the alcohol is gonna be enough,
It's early in the morning and the diner isn't fun,
The waitress' feet drag while the eggs begin to run

I'll learn the quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Yeah, yeah, whatever it takes

Fuck this, my body: a trashcan,
I woke up today with the shakes again,
It's 98 degrees and I can't take the noise,
I'm living in a box and unemployed,
Last night I passed out in all of my clothes,
Somewhere along the lines I got a bloody nose,
Winners get medals and front-page news,
I want a trophy every time that I lose

I'll learn the quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Quickstep, scissors step, side chassé,
Yeah, yeah, whatever it takes