Twelve sticks lined up, all labeled with a marker
But deep down, I knew the lines weren't getting darker
But I obsessed, I bought more tests
The faintest line is still a yes, I hoped
And I had this realistic dream where I held you in my arms
And I don't know why
but I convinced myself that dreams were signs from God
And that you were fine, I see a line
And you'd be mine in nine months time, I hoped
The doctor said it's early
He called you chemical, and that pissed me off
And everything went blurry
I shut the lights and curled up in a ball
Sure, you were small

But you had a name, I ordered little shoes
You had a daddy who watched about a
million YouTubes on how to swaddle you
We told the family that you were coming soon
You had a fuzzy blue monkey that used to
be mommy's that was waiting here for you
And just like that
I had to say goodbye to you in an airport bathroom
In an airport bathroom

All I could think about is why did this even happen?
Was there something wrong? Was it all my fault?
Now someone's asking, "Are you pregnant? Are you trying? "
Don't start crying, don't start crying, don't make it weird
But once I started smiling
my husband finally let himself cry
'Cause our DNA made DNA and we were mom
and dad for a moment in time
You were more than a line

You had a name, I ordered little shoes
You had a daddy who watched about a
million YouTubes on how to swaddle you
We told the family that you were coming soon
You had a fuzzy blue monkey that used to
be mommy's that was waiting here for you
And just like that
I had to say goodbye to you in an airport bathroom
In a fucking airport bathroom

Seventeen months later
I found myself back in that same bathroom
And I looked in the mirror with a baby in my arms
And I thought of you, and how someday soon
We'll meet again in a better place
That's when I'll hear a little voice say
"Mama, I've been waiting for you
And we were so much bigger than an airport bathroom"