Well there once was a man called Broadway Jim
He had the idea I was in love with him
He came real close looked into my eyes
Said I never met a man that I couldn't despise
Then he cut off my tail with a carving knife
Give me ten long years of trouble and strife

Well the nice young men from the rodeo
Came down to Virginia just to say hello
They brought a lot of rifles and they brought a lot of guns
Lord they were tryna have some good clean fun
Next thing you know you're runnin' for your life
For ten long years of trouble and strife

Well I once had a man he was tall and lean
He treated me like a superstar queen
We had a little cat got stuck in a tree
So we played him a record by Peggy Lee
He said who is that woman? Gotta make her my wife
Give her ten long years of trouble and strife

There once was a girl called Sally G
And she built herself a nest in a redwood tree
Said goodbye to her mother said goodbye to her boss
Sold her possessions at a terrible loss
Then they tried to cut it down with a switchblade knife
Took 'em ten long years of trouble and strife

I think I'm gonna move down to New Orleans
Buy myself a pair of designer jeans
Gonna see what's cookin' gonna make the rounds
By the time I'm finished weigh a thousand pounds
It's a doggone shame it's the story of my life
Ten long years of trouble and strife