PAULETTE
(spoken) Elle, do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions? Love!

(sung) You're lost without your love
Your heart is on the floor
I can help you
I've been there before!
I need to relax
I just put on some tracks
From this CD I got at the store . . .

(Celtic chanting)

(spoken) Isn't that relaxing? It's called CELTIC MOOTS!

(sung) When I'm lonely or feeling dejected
I play this and it never fails
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
With Enya and the whales

When my telephone gets disconnected
Or I spend every night alone
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
Where the Irish bagpipes drone

Smell the grass of the rainstorm descending
People smile while I stroll past their farms
With a redheaded sailor named Brendan
And we dance without moving our arms

In a bar once I met this guy Dewey
And he bought me like 14 beers
And he told me that he was from Ireland
So I lived with him 10 years

If I squinted he looked like my sailor
Through my woozy delusional fog
But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla
Took my trailer and took my job

In Ireland they know how to love you
You embrace in the misty Irish breeze
And if your Irish boy tires of you
You're allowed to shoot him in the knees

Hey, you look like that poster for Ireland
Long blonde hair and the sweet sunny face
Oh no wait that's the poster for Sweden
Sweetheart, I'll never see either place!

But a girl sweet as you has a future
You have hope as each new day dawns
Girls like you always get to see Ireland
Give my love to the leprechauns!