Hello there and welcome
I'm glad that you could make it
On this trip to one of britain's
Deadliest places
Now keep your wits about you
In this strange and distant land
As we go on a search to find
The great british lad
A couple housekeeping tips
I quickly need to mention
Please no flash photography
You'll only draw attention
Soak yourself in aftershave
And use it as a mask
And put this skintight t-shirt
On to act as camouflage
Now that all been covered
We're ready to get started
There's a pack of lads now!
Just look at their markings
Their unique tattoos differ them
From rival gangs
A bunch of chinese symbols
And couple tribal bands
There's 6 of them in total
And though they're mostly social
They're likely to attack another pack
If they're not local
They operate collectively
And often have a tendency
To urinate in public places
Just to mark their territory

Welcome to the jungle
It's a hostile terrain
A dangerous location
Full of predators and prey
It may not seem that way to you
Especially in the day
But when night falls it
Turns into a very different place

Let's take a closer look
At this group in particular
Hands up anybody here
Who knows this bit of trivia
What two traits does the alpha male exhibit?
Yes you at the back
"he's the loudest and the biggest"
Correct! now in this group gav is the leader
And he's in charge
Of all the beta males who are weaker
When it comes to where to go
He makes the selection
And when he cracks a joke
They all laugh without exception
The female of the species
Also has degrees of status
But their rank is measured
On a slightly different basis
The queen bee is usually
The one who's most attractive
So being alpha lad comes
With another big advantage
This system is accepted
And must always be respected
As failure to comply can cause
A lad to get ejected
This might not seem fair to you
And I agree it isn't
But out here in the jungle
It's survival of the fittest

Welcome to the jungle it's a hostile terrain
A dangerous location
Full of predators and prey
It may not seem that way to you
Especially in the day
But when night falls it turns
Into a very different place

Now I know that you came here
For one main reason
To see the british lad during mating season
And now that they've drunk enough
It only seems right
To try and find a partner
To take home for the night
There's more men than women
Which is always the way
So they engage
In a complex courtship display
This can range from anything
From dancing and posing
To telling her about the type
Of car that he's owning
Don't look now but I think we've got a match
Gav's spotted tracey
And she thinks he's a catch
They're grinding
On the dancefloor but just before they leave
They're greeted
By her ex-mating partner called steve
Neither will back down
So a violent fight ensues
Where everything
From foreheads to beer bottles are used
Steve is victorious so on this occasion
Gav goes home with a kebab
To watch babe station

Welcome to the jungle it's a hostile terrain
A dangerous location
Full of predators and prey
It may not seem that way to you
Especially in the day
But when night falls
It turns into a very different place

I know it's ba-a-ad, I wanna be a la-a-ad
I wanna drink like lads
Think like lads, it's sad

I know it's ba-a-ad, I wanna be a la-a-ad
I wanna crawl like lads
Brawl like lads it's mad