Now I don't mind if fifty thousand yobos beat me up outside a
football ground on a Saturday afternoon. I'll still come out fighting.
D'you know why? You've seen me on television. I'm the lowest common
denominator. And this is all about yob culture. So welcome to jolly
ol' England! I'm the stand up comic.

Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde
And the followers of style say it's the latest thing
And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
And anyone who says different is a fuckin' antique
And Noel Coward has become very hard
And the comic says "bollocks" and everybody laughs
And that's that

Style, I mean
Never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
And that's that

Jack the Lad has become Fancy Dan
And creating aggroculture with a rub-on tan
And all the tearaways have got savior faire
And the working class hero's got tinted hair
And a well-spoken hero from a yesteryear
Walks out onto a stage and they all shout "queer!"
And that's that

Manners, I mean
Never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And now the clown does a fart and we all fart back
And that's that

Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says "follow" so we go

Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says "follow" so we go
And that's that

What do you think of it so far?
(Rubbish!)
I knew you'd say that
You've been watching too much television
Together now!

Jack the Lad has become Oscar Wilde
And the followers of style say it's the latest thing
And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
And anyone who says different is an antique
And Noel Coward has become very hard
And the comic says "bollocks" and everybody laughs
And that's that

Style, I mean
Never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
And that's that

All together now!
Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says "follow" so we go

Stand up, stand up
Can you hear me at the back?
All you wide boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts
And we all shout back
And the mob says "follow" so we go
And that's that

Well, I'm going down the pub now. You're welcome to join me if you
like but I know you won't. You've all been watching too much
television. Well, I'll be in the public bar, minding my own business.