My mother saw me kiss a boy
When I was only ten
Well you might think that's not too bad
But things were different then
She pulled me to her side and she sat me on her knees, she said
I think it's time that you and I discussed the birds and bees

She pulled me to her side and she sat me on her knees, she said
I think it's time that you and I discussed the birds and bees
She said always use a condom you can do just what you please
They stop you getting pregnant and catchings STDs

Birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and...

Said all men are bastards
There's two things they want from you
Someone at home to cook their meals
And someone they can screw
Then after twenty-seven years
They'll get a little itch
And they'll run off and leave you
For some thirty year old bitch

My mother pulled me to her side, sat me on her knees, she said
I think it's time that you and I discussed the birds and bees
She said if you use a condom you can do just what you please
They stop you getting pregnant and catchings STDs

I don't think my mother liked boys very much

Then your thoughts might turn to girlies
Don't fight it, it's okay
There really is no problem
If you find out that you're gay
But you might find it hard to form
Long-term relationships
So my advice, just grab the girl
Who's got the biggest tits

My mother pulled me to her side, sat me on her knees, she said
I think it's time that you and I discussed the birds and bees
She said always use a condom you can do just what you please
They stop you getting pregnant and catchings STDs

Birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and...

When she runs off with someone else
It might not be the end
Cause you might take a fancy
To our fine four-legged things
But their bits are all in different parts
You won't know what to do
So I bought this book with diagrams
Especially for you

My mother pulled me to her side, sat me on her knees, she said
I think it's time that you and I discussed the birds and bees
She said always use a condom you can do just what you please
They stop you getting pregnant and catchings STDs

Birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and...

Or you might turn to your family
A couple's not too bad
Just remember uncle Kevin's mine
And don't go with your dad
I said ma, don't patronize me
Don't take me for a fool
Everything you've said we learned three years ago in school!

My mother pulled me to her side, sat me on her knees, she said
I think it's time that you and I discussed the birds and bees
She said always use a condom you can do just what you please
They stop you getting pregnant and catchings STDs

Birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and bees and birds and...