When we set out in our canoe, we thought it would be fun
We had sandwiches, a flask of tea and a great big bottle of rum
We sang and drank and laughed a lot or just drifted in the sun
But we would have turned back there and then if we knew what was to come

Down the River of No Return, we drifted through this land
Through the Valley of Lost Souls
To the Island
The Island of the Damned

Some moron on a Jet Ski shot a spear gun through our boat
The water started pouring in, we didn't know if we'd float
The sun went in, the wind got up and the rain came pouring down
As I bailed out water with my hat, I thought that we would drown

Down the River of No Return, we drifted through this land
Through the Valley of Lost Souls
To the Island
The Island of the Damned

And as the boat was going down, we saw a piece of land
An island in the distance, a pile of mud and sand
There was Deadri, there was Bet and me, but only room for two
I looked at them, they looked at me. Will it be me or you?

Down the River of No Return, we drifted through this land
Through the Valley of Lost Souls
To the Island
The Island of the Damned

We found an old black plastic bag and stuffed it in the hole
It still let in some water but we hoped that it would hold
Bet lost the draw and paddled off and we knew her life would end
In a godforsaken seaside town the natives called Southend

Down the River of No Return, we drifted through this land
Through the Valley of Lost Souls
To the Island
The Island of the Damned

Now all we do is sit here, taking in the sun
But I think that when the winter comes, it won't be so much fun
There's nothing to eat but seaweed and dead crabs that float by
If it wasn't quite so funny, I think that I might cry

Down the River of No Return, we drifted through this land
Through the Valley of Lost Souls
To the Island
The Island of the Damned
The Island of the Damned
The Island of the Damned
The Island of the Damned (Damned)