She looks at me and says that she can't help
but feel depressed
But darling, looking at the life we've been given
how could you feel any less than grateful?
Sometimes it's hard to feel thankful for something
when all it reminds you of are the times
when you had nothing left to give

The times that ate you alive
to the point where you questioned if you wanted to live
As she looked for all the bad that she could
it hid all of the good that reigned true
Looking only for the downsides and faults of everything

but with eyes only half open
Not seeing what she had been given
but only what she wanted
And when I told her that that life that we had created
in our dreams could never be
she finally gave way and fell to her knees

The stones covering the ground sank into her bones
like the pain that those words carried
as they dug into her back
Those words etched with the date in September
remained as a permanent reminder
for what she lost

But after all was said and done
I was the one that walked away with the most pain
I was the one that walked away
knowing that I had ruined any chance that I had
at actually being happy

I thought this was what she wanted
I thought this was what I needed
to finally make something of my empty, drawn-out life
Maybe it's because I find happiness in sorrow
or the fact that I've never let anything good
blossom in my life
No matter the reasoning, the fact of the matter is
I'm alone again

Chasing away my pride and joy
just so the pit in my stomach
can grow an inch deeper every day
And with every single inch that it grows
and every single cigarette that touches my lips
I find it harder to make it through another day
That short buzz sure does the trick
but after packs a day
you can watch yourself as you literally decay
I've seen myself fall apart more than I'd like to admit
Sometimes almost like a standby
watching everything that I once loved
come crashing down and fall at my feet

But I think the worst part was... that I felt nothing
Not even sadness or guilt
or anything that reminded me of being human
I was numb to everything and everyone
I had lost the only part of me that could still feel
And yet I continued to push you away
Maybe I thought it'd bring peace
or some kind of feeling back in my life
But when you chase out all of the light in your life
you also let the dark replace it

I never thought that I'd see the day
as I watch myself destroy the better part of me
Cutting off what I lack
hoping that it would bring some sort of clarity
Seeking what life would be like only half lived
But regardless of what I sought
after, the fact of the matter is... I'm alone again