I'm not gonna be able to go
See a doctor for a long time
'Cause I'm ashamed to show the many cuts
That were punctured with a blunt knife

It's easier to deny
And to lie about the impact
I had a seven year running start
Never crossed the line to finish

So when I close my eyes to think about it
I have to be brave
I have to use the muscles around my stomach

To hold my back in place
I feel it starting in the back of my head
And shooting down my neck

But I'm not here to fight it
And I'm not here because I like it

I'm not gonna be able to go
Up to your doorstep for a long time
Because you caught me in the first few days
When my intuition fell quiet

I tried to keep you at arms length
But every look gave me away
Now I keep shutting down at every mention

Because it hurts less to escape
I walk slower when my guard is down
Letting you keep up the chase

So now I'm here to fight it
Because I can't be here unless I like it

We grow up and become
The spitting image of
Who we didn't want to be

Every once in a while
I am reminded of that morning
When her spirit felt material
And I knew that she was listening

I sat up silently in bed
Wondering who'd be the next to call
But I had to wait another minute

To let everything go
I still feel shocking pangs of helplessness
Whenever I'm alone too long

And I didn't leave her
She left me
It's not about blaming
It's about history
Look out here comes the hostility

We grow up and become
The spitting image of
Who we didn't want to be