A studio executive has no beliefs That's the way of a studio system We bow to every rear of all the studio chiefs And you can bet your ass we've kissed 'em
Even the birds in the Hollywood hills Know the secret to our success It's those magical words that pay the bills: Yes, yes, yes, and yes (A bunch of scuffling about Darryl Zanuck coming)
Tom: Gentlemen! Take a memo. Today the Trades are all aglow With grosses for our Miss Monroe The things those vermin mustn't know Is what she puts us through
She makes directors wait all day One line per hour is all she'll say And still, she thinks we're gonna pay She needs a talking to
Tomatoes like her must be put in their place If she don't shape up soon, she'll soon be walking 'Cause the buck stops with me (Ensemble: Yes you're right, we agree!) Uh, don't say yes until I finish talking
She's got them all tied up in knots Makes each producer faint in plots She thinks she's queen and calls the shots As she sits on a thrown
She needs to learn she's only skin The next girl's waiting for a spin I made a star of Rin Tin Tin And paid him with a bone
Tomatoes like her Well, they're easy to find We throw them out as soon as they start squacking So, get me some younger dish (Ensemble: We concur, as you wish!) Hey! Don't say yes until I finish talking
And while you got me on a roll Let's find a role for Nat King Cole Tell Tell Lankowitz his script is trite A little lower, to the right
I think that Brando is mis-cast That television just won't last That I'm the kind of Hollywood (Ensemble: All hail the king!) Oh, that feels good
Which brings me back to that dumb blonde To her demands, I now respond Some buy her act, but I'm not conned You better fall in line
You're too bazooms and nuts to boot I'll keep you in a bathing suit When you stop bringing in the loot Well, go back to the vine
Tomatoes like you They all whither and die My powers, though, will never be diminished So don't bring me to my boiling point You're just a broad, I own the joint I'm in control, you're just a face So allow me to cut to the chase I'll make another movie star Can someone light my damn cigar? And then say "yes" Cause yes, men I'm finishe