When the city casts its shadows in the pale light of the moon
And the creeps creep in their jack wills’ slacks from neon-fronted tombs
You’ll feel the cold air at your back and know that he’s there

Laboured are the passes made by stout unfinished youths
At uninterested ladies whom they’d so love to abuse
And in their wake to stake his claim you know he’ll be there

Stay calm
Bolt your doors, remain calm
It’s yuppie dracula

As scarlet as this hue ‘ pervades these rat-infested dumps
Are his twinkling eyes soaked in the fires of lechery and lust
Always watching for the next poor soul he’ll catch unaware
All for the harlots, turned-up collars, oversized and overprices
Pinstriped, perfumed, paying through the nose in wine bars where the ladies wait in line
And in the morning light he’ll cease to be there.

Stay calm
Bolt your doors, remain calm
This is not a nightmare, remain calm
It’s yuppie dracula

Farewell the drunken, buxom maidens laden with vermouth
For whom the liquor may prove hinderance to fidelity and truth
When the pratfall and the gutter call you know he’ll be there

Stay calm
Bolt your doors, remain calm
This is not a nightmare, remain calm
It’s yuppie dracula