MERRY FU*KING CHRISTMAS

Mr. Garrison:

I heard there is no Christmas

In the silly Middle East

No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus

They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad

And not in our holiday

And so every December

I go to the Middle East and say,

"Hey there Mr. Muslim

Merry fucking Christmas

Put down that book the Koran

And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed

It's Jesus's birthday.

So get off your heathen Muslim ass

and fucking celebrate."

There is no holiday season in India I've heard

They don't hang up their stockings

And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.

They don't know what Rudolph is about

And that is why in December

I'll go to India and shout,

"Hey there Mr. Hinduist

Merry fucking Christmas

Drink eggnog and eat some beef

And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed

It's Jesus's birthday

So get off your heathen Hindu ass

and fucking celebrate!"

Now I heard that in Japan

Everyone just lives in sin

They pray to several gods

And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th

All they do is eat a cake

And that is why I go to Japan

And walk around and say,

"Hey there Mr. Shintoist

Merry fucking Christmas

God is going to kick your ass

You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed

There's festive things to do

So lets all rejoice for Jesus

And Merry fucking Christmas to you."

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,

"Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,

Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!"